i am home.
i am struggling. i don't know what to do with myself. before i let the thoughts and the realization of being home sink in, i am going to sleep. 2 days without sleep has done no good to my body.
but i am also rejoicing.
i love hugging my mama, daddy, karissa, kellie and kristopher, giving topaz a belly rub, seeing my dear friend hally and 2 of her boys and the joy i got to see from wyatt being so social, seeing mountains, going for a walk, eating my mama's food, the ending of a crazy long wednesday spent all at the airport, snuggling on the couch and falling asleep to a movie, thunderstorms, summer smells.
i am home. and it's great.
the parts that i was struggling with was unpacking and looking at my room. i don't need a converter for my appliances, i don't have to choose between which button to push for the toilet, i don't have to find a shirt that smells decent to wear it...i know have a whole closet full of options, i hate texting...well not the part where i get to communicate with people, i hate the fact that i "have to" carry a phone around now in order to do that.....now i just don't let texting control my life. it's ok to leave the phone and answer when i feel like getting to it.
the adventure in australia has come to an end.
but the adventure at home is just beginning. and it is off to a great start. thank You God for the safe trip home, that i get to see my family, the rejoicing of reuniting, the joy of being alive, the joy of giving. thank You. thank You for the adventure in australia and that it was a huge part of my life where i got to experience YOU! a little more and was just continually blessed by you daily. and thank You for being with me now and continuing to bless me. thank You for the joy of the adventure of being home.
thank You.
i am home.
June 9, 2010
June 8, 2010
ugh...
i'm too old for all nighters. one more hour left until i leave for the airport.....staying up all night makes me realize how excited i am to go sleep on the plane. that's another....5 hours away though. oh well. i'll be busy from now until then.
didn't i just get here? seriously....where did the time go?
it was well spent and well enjoyed.
quick facts. i'm freezing. but i'm having my last cuppa tea in australia.
i'm tired. but i'm excited.
i'm......loving life. even with this delusional state of mind.
did you know that when you are awake for more than 17 hours, you can be considered drunk? learned this fun fact off of law and order....but then looked it up. so it's a fact.......i'm 3 hours drunk. pahahahaha!
didn't i just get here? seriously....where did the time go?
it was well spent and well enjoyed.
quick facts. i'm freezing. but i'm having my last cuppa tea in australia.
i'm tired. but i'm excited.
i'm......loving life. even with this delusional state of mind.
did you know that when you are awake for more than 17 hours, you can be considered drunk? learned this fun fact off of law and order....but then looked it up. so it's a fact.......i'm 3 hours drunk. pahahahaha!
last few hours....
it is....12:55, wednesday morning here.....this is the latest i have stayed up and been moving around since i have been here. all nighter is off to a good start. after everyone went to bed i worked on making the bed with new sheets, looking for some duct tape to cover up a hole that i found in one of the bags...luckily it's not the souvenir bag. but the trip was unsuccessful. hopefully i will remember to ask john for some before he takes me to the train station that will take me to the airport. ok. my words are starting to slurrrrrr. i'm having to focus very hard on forming sentences.
i am struggling on staying awake. but i will do it. only 5 more hours until i leave for the airport. so let's see...today was probably one of the most enjoyable days with olivia.
i'm going to make this short. i was going to try to distract myself from my sleepiness...but it's a no go.
so i went to kindy, was mauled by all the little friends, firemen came and i got one last look at the hot aussie men, took olivia to our coffee date, and went and saw my friend heidi, came home, skyped the fam, drew pictures with livi, saw one last sunset. and then the family time with the family....mmm. leaving is hard. but i guess in order to grow...there have to be endings to some things in life.
and in order to see my mama and karissa and my daddy and kellie and kristopher and all those other people that i love so much.....i have to go home. and gosh...these mood swings are crazy right now. i'm ready to go....let's go people! get a move on!
oh gosh........so...i'm going to work on memorizing 1 john 1:1-4 right now....my new goal is to memorize the whole book. and it's doable. and you memorize a verse a day...so today is verse 4....well june 8th is verse 4. and verse 5 is for june 9th. time to get a roll on....i have two verses to do....i'll do verse 9 on the plane or at the airport sometime during today...since today will go for....let's see...29 hours today. aww. something to be thankful for...i have sometimes had a want for more time in the day. i get a whole 5 hours extra! thanks God!
ok. well....peace out girl scout.
June 7, 2010
well..........
today is monday. i leave wednesday morning to go h-o-m-e. home. oh home. family. friends. mountains. summer.
which means i have to leave here in order to have that. well. right now, i am ok with that. this has been such a wonderful adventure, and it still is. it's just not over yet. so soak up the rest of what's left of it. so yesterday was the last time i would go to hillsong, at least on this adventure. and it was wonderful. and later in the evening, the family and i went up to mount coot-tha and looked at the city. it was beautiful. we spent the evening sipping on riccadonna and eating cheese and crackers. and then i went and had octopus...calamari if you want to be all fancy schmancy. and well...i don't need to try that again. but the evening spent with the family was very memorable, just watching the sunset and looking at the city and enjoying one of the last times with the family. tonight was the last time we all ate dinner together as a family. and it was just full of laughter and great times. the kids acting like they always do and me trying not to laugh so that it doesn't encourage their behaviour...uh oh. how is this going to work when i become a parent, if that's where God wants me to go...i sure hope so! oh well...these kids are wonderful enough (and i only say that because despite all the struggles i have had with them, i sure do love them to death. this trip wouldn't be what it was without them...) as i write this..xavi is jumping in my room and trying to scare me...he got me the second time! oh how i am going to miss walking out of the bathroom in the early hours of the morning and have a heart attack from him scaring me. ha. can someone please keep this up for me?....i am going to miss it. no matter how angry i get at these kids, i treasure every moment with them. they just want to make you happy. and you can't help but smile at them when they achieve a goal, understand a concept, and all the other daily surprises that happen throughout each day. aww....if this is just a glimpse of what it's like to have a child...oh man, i can't wait to have one of my own one day and rejoice in his or her daily growth! awww. ok. "mother moment" over, it won't happen for a long while and i can just rejoice in the daily growth of the kids that are in my life right now.
so today....olivia did my hair...she made it look like how i did hers, 2 ponytails....it's cuter when your hair is short and you are 4 years old. but she was so proud for her work, so i went to kindy with it in and she showed it off to all her friends. aww. cute!! and i went and dropped off thank you letters to the people that made a difference in my time here...everyone i met were just huge blessings. thank You God for all these people that You placed in my life. thank You thank You thank YOU! they were so wonderful and relationships are a beautiful thing. thank You!
and then tanya and i went to riley's 3k cross country race....daaaang. he got 2nd for the school and 18th overall....and he ran the whole time! and i can be proud in him....and sorry...another "mommy moment"...woah! to be so proud of your own kids...i love that feeling!
ok. and then let's see.....today. well. not much else. another beautiful sunset. daaang. these are master pieces out here!
and so the plan for the rest of the time here:
tonight. try to go to bed at a reasonable time and to fall asleep and sleep the whole night. we shall see....i have been really anxious the past couple of nights. nights are my struggle points of time. i just lay in bed and i am exhausted (i work out to tire my body out and read to tire my mind) but i end up just laying in bed for hours and hours. so maybe after a couple of days of this maybe i'll sleep tonight. it's my last night sleeping here. aww. that makes me sad to say that. so i'm going to enjoy it!
tuesday morning: wake up early, go to school with tanya and riley and drop them off at school.
then come back and get ready for the day...then at 10, go and see the firemen that are going to olivia's kindy class. need to have my one last look at these fine australian men.....daaaaaaaaaaannnnng! :)
and then go see my good friend heidi. and talk to her and tell her see you later. thank you jonathon for teaching me this concept of: it's not goodbye, it's just see you later. because i would love to see everyone one day again, and who knows. maybe i will. and it makes it easier to part.
and then take olivia out of kindy and go take her on a coffee date with me. and if we have time, go visit the police station. i still have to get a picture of a police car to show you all back home. they are so funny. i cannot take them seriously. and their little uniforms. i have the urge to play checkers when i see a cop. haha! and then pick up tanya from work. and then pick up the boys. and then hang out with tanya for the evening. eat dinner. make the kids' lunches one last time....and then the plan is to stay up late...or just pull an all nighter so that i will sleep on the plane. and leave the house at 6am on wednesday...and then be at the airport at 6:45, check in....and fly home at 10. home. home. home.
so i leave australia at 10am on wednesday.
it will be 6pm tuesday in utah.
i get to la at 7am la time...8am utah time....midnight australia.
and then get to utah at 1pm wednesday.
5am australia time on thursday.
so....what the point of this is....i will be flying all day australia time (all night utah time) and so i will want to sleep when i get to customs but i will need to be awake at that time and to get to my correct terminal and flight stuff when i'm in la...and that la airport is huge and thank goodness for the 4 hour layover...especially so early in the morning. but i need to have some sleep. so if i pull an all nighter, i won't be able to help it but sleep on the plane. and it will make the 13 hours fly by a lot faster. so....that's the goal. and i will accomplish as much as i accomplish.
and then..........i can't believe it. 3 months felt like i just started. and it's coming to an end. and i just got adjusted to everything a couple of weeks ago. why is it ending? :(
it's not the end...it's just time to go and work on a new challenge.
and i still have yet to figure out what that is....maybe working on being who i am here at home. not going back to the old me. but fighting to keep this new me. i like who i am in Christ right now. who i was 3 months ago....no thank you!
well....what can i say...? life is good. see you on the upside!
which means i have to leave here in order to have that. well. right now, i am ok with that. this has been such a wonderful adventure, and it still is. it's just not over yet. so soak up the rest of what's left of it. so yesterday was the last time i would go to hillsong, at least on this adventure. and it was wonderful. and later in the evening, the family and i went up to mount coot-tha and looked at the city. it was beautiful. we spent the evening sipping on riccadonna and eating cheese and crackers. and then i went and had octopus...calamari if you want to be all fancy schmancy. and well...i don't need to try that again. but the evening spent with the family was very memorable, just watching the sunset and looking at the city and enjoying one of the last times with the family. tonight was the last time we all ate dinner together as a family. and it was just full of laughter and great times. the kids acting like they always do and me trying not to laugh so that it doesn't encourage their behaviour...uh oh. how is this going to work when i become a parent, if that's where God wants me to go...i sure hope so! oh well...these kids are wonderful enough (and i only say that because despite all the struggles i have had with them, i sure do love them to death. this trip wouldn't be what it was without them...) as i write this..xavi is jumping in my room and trying to scare me...he got me the second time! oh how i am going to miss walking out of the bathroom in the early hours of the morning and have a heart attack from him scaring me. ha. can someone please keep this up for me?....i am going to miss it. no matter how angry i get at these kids, i treasure every moment with them. they just want to make you happy. and you can't help but smile at them when they achieve a goal, understand a concept, and all the other daily surprises that happen throughout each day. aww....if this is just a glimpse of what it's like to have a child...oh man, i can't wait to have one of my own one day and rejoice in his or her daily growth! awww. ok. "mother moment" over, it won't happen for a long while and i can just rejoice in the daily growth of the kids that are in my life right now.
so today....olivia did my hair...she made it look like how i did hers, 2 ponytails....it's cuter when your hair is short and you are 4 years old. but she was so proud for her work, so i went to kindy with it in and she showed it off to all her friends. aww. cute!! and i went and dropped off thank you letters to the people that made a difference in my time here...everyone i met were just huge blessings. thank You God for all these people that You placed in my life. thank You thank You thank YOU! they were so wonderful and relationships are a beautiful thing. thank You!
and then tanya and i went to riley's 3k cross country race....daaaang. he got 2nd for the school and 18th overall....and he ran the whole time! and i can be proud in him....and sorry...another "mommy moment"...woah! to be so proud of your own kids...i love that feeling!
ok. and then let's see.....today. well. not much else. another beautiful sunset. daaang. these are master pieces out here!
and so the plan for the rest of the time here:
tonight. try to go to bed at a reasonable time and to fall asleep and sleep the whole night. we shall see....i have been really anxious the past couple of nights. nights are my struggle points of time. i just lay in bed and i am exhausted (i work out to tire my body out and read to tire my mind) but i end up just laying in bed for hours and hours. so maybe after a couple of days of this maybe i'll sleep tonight. it's my last night sleeping here. aww. that makes me sad to say that. so i'm going to enjoy it!
tuesday morning: wake up early, go to school with tanya and riley and drop them off at school.
then come back and get ready for the day...then at 10, go and see the firemen that are going to olivia's kindy class. need to have my one last look at these fine australian men.....daaaaaaaaaaannnnng! :)
and then go see my good friend heidi. and talk to her and tell her see you later. thank you jonathon for teaching me this concept of: it's not goodbye, it's just see you later. because i would love to see everyone one day again, and who knows. maybe i will. and it makes it easier to part.
and then take olivia out of kindy and go take her on a coffee date with me. and if we have time, go visit the police station. i still have to get a picture of a police car to show you all back home. they are so funny. i cannot take them seriously. and their little uniforms. i have the urge to play checkers when i see a cop. haha! and then pick up tanya from work. and then pick up the boys. and then hang out with tanya for the evening. eat dinner. make the kids' lunches one last time....and then the plan is to stay up late...or just pull an all nighter so that i will sleep on the plane. and leave the house at 6am on wednesday...and then be at the airport at 6:45, check in....and fly home at 10. home. home. home.
so i leave australia at 10am on wednesday.
it will be 6pm tuesday in utah.
i get to la at 7am la time...8am utah time....midnight australia.
and then get to utah at 1pm wednesday.
5am australia time on thursday.
so....what the point of this is....i will be flying all day australia time (all night utah time) and so i will want to sleep when i get to customs but i will need to be awake at that time and to get to my correct terminal and flight stuff when i'm in la...and that la airport is huge and thank goodness for the 4 hour layover...especially so early in the morning. but i need to have some sleep. so if i pull an all nighter, i won't be able to help it but sleep on the plane. and it will make the 13 hours fly by a lot faster. so....that's the goal. and i will accomplish as much as i accomplish.
and then..........i can't believe it. 3 months felt like i just started. and it's coming to an end. and i just got adjusted to everything a couple of weeks ago. why is it ending? :(
it's not the end...it's just time to go and work on a new challenge.
and i still have yet to figure out what that is....maybe working on being who i am here at home. not going back to the old me. but fighting to keep this new me. i like who i am in Christ right now. who i was 3 months ago....no thank you!
well....what can i say...? life is good. see you on the upside!
June 3, 2010
why?
why do i need to love these kids? why should i? what have they given me for them to earn my love to them? why be kind, why share Your love? hmmm? why God? why?! i don't want to. i give up.
keep going. keep going.....
wow. what a great night. and i say this with the best of attitudes. thank You God for this night.
oh how in a moment i can let my anger rise and flare and just want to lash out at the children! and who do i think i am?...miss high and mighty...the ruler and the judge of what's right and fair. who am i to even say that? woah...God, You are the Judge...i am in no way fit for that position. i think of the shack when i judge someone. that is not my place. and it is always a very humbling experience when i recognize my actions.
and for me to be selfish and not want to share God's love...well isn't it supposed to be...if i am so overflowing with God's grace and goodness and am just overflowing with His love, aren't i supposed to want to share it all? the thing is....i want to keep it all and i feel like i have the right to "share" it with whomever i see fit, the people that I LOVE. well. that's why i pray, God please love these people....i can't and i don't want to honestly. so You do it. well....i believe that in order to share that love with what i have, i have to let go of myself and just let God live through me. wow. what a great way to end the day...too bad it doesn't always happen where i want to start the day this way. and i have these life lessons when i am tired and exhausted from the kids. and the truth is, i am not even around the kids all day. i think that it is just such a huge learning lesson and it's hard working on letting go of myself and what i think is "right" and letting God live and be REAL and the RULER of my life. and that's the daily struggle i am going through day in and day out. and it is truly exhausting...for me.
anyways, the point of this post was to say what a great God we truly have. "keep going. keep going..." don't give up, PERSEVERE. and those words are just so comforting to me, especially when they come from my King, my Lover, my God.
keep going. keep going. fight the good fight (2 timothy 4:7).
and woah...this came to mind:
The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' matthew 25:40 [niv].
And the King will reply to them, Truly I tell you, in so far as you did it for one of the least [[a]in the estimation of men] of these My brethren, you did it for Me. matthew 25:40 [amplified].
Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.' matthew 25:37-40 [the message].
God, please just change my heart. please help me to love these children. and all that come into my life. change my heart to be one like Yours.
persevere. keep going. discipline the mind. discipline the emotions.
keep going. keep going.....
June 2, 2010
awww.
it's one of those days. one of those...oh-this-is-probably-one-of-my-last-time-doing-this moment. so treasure it is all i can think to myself. but....right now...i just want to mope in my sadness. and yes, i can choose to be happy if i would like so that i'm not sad, but right now i want to mope.
today i went to indooroopilly with tanya and we went shopping and it was my last time going there. i enjoyed going and having coffees with her there and looking around at all the shops and going to the grocery store on level 1, which is actually the second level. and going up to the 4th floor and going and visiting all the stores.
friends...my advice is just make the most of everything.
and i am thankful that i did. i have really enjoyed all my time here. it has truly just been a huge blessing, day after day. can i just say how good God is? yes, i think i have the freedom of speech to do so...GOD IS SO GOOD!
i also went to the grocery store at mount ommaney and bought food...friends...i have a whole grocery cart...oh i mean trolley...full of treats. so eat up eat up!
and the reason for writing this whole post today was because i am writing thank you cards to everyone who made my trip so wonderful and just thanking them for the memories and their kindness and the memories that i created with them...and that makes me sad. a little hard trying to keep a happy attitude. so to make myself feel better i tell myself it's ok to feel this way. it just means that i created relationships and it's not goodbye forever. who knows...i may see them again. and all things do have to end one day so that a new adventure may start. well. that's the end of this story.
today i went to indooroopilly with tanya and we went shopping and it was my last time going there. i enjoyed going and having coffees with her there and looking around at all the shops and going to the grocery store on level 1, which is actually the second level. and going up to the 4th floor and going and visiting all the stores.
friends...my advice is just make the most of everything.
and i am thankful that i did. i have really enjoyed all my time here. it has truly just been a huge blessing, day after day. can i just say how good God is? yes, i think i have the freedom of speech to do so...GOD IS SO GOOD!
i also went to the grocery store at mount ommaney and bought food...friends...i have a whole grocery cart...oh i mean trolley...full of treats. so eat up eat up!
and the reason for writing this whole post today was because i am writing thank you cards to everyone who made my trip so wonderful and just thanking them for the memories and their kindness and the memories that i created with them...and that makes me sad. a little hard trying to keep a happy attitude. so to make myself feel better i tell myself it's ok to feel this way. it just means that i created relationships and it's not goodbye forever. who knows...i may see them again. and all things do have to end one day so that a new adventure may start. well. that's the end of this story.
June 1, 2010
june.
june. is. here. the last days of being australia are here. truly a bittersweet type of thing.
today i woke up just so happy. and then....i realized that i actually have to leave this adventure. so sad. when i think about home and that i get to be home so soon, i dread being here and time moves slowly. and then i think about here and leaving here and how much i love it and the family...(finally) then i get so sad. where is the middle ground?...well i believe that is where i just enjoy the moment and am truly thankful for what God is blessing me with NOW! well...that's the hard part of the lesson. learning to truly enjoy the moment and to be thankful for it.
so as of right now...i am so thankful for what God has blessed me with and just look on the bright side of life.
today i learned how to say banana and chocolate correctly....and no and here. alright alright....getting on a good australian speaking roll....already have the twang in my accent says john's mum.
love the kids. love cooking. love packing the kids' lunches every night after doing the dishes. love it when the family is around. i'm going to make the family orange chicken dinner on sunday night. and ice cream cake! did i ever tell you all how much i love baking? it's so fun! and after eating all day...gosh....i work out in my room every night. i love that so much. and...i just need to work on the not eating all day part and then i will be ripppppppeeddddd!
life is good. just soaking up all the greatness of this last week here. only 7 days and 15 hours and 6 minutes until i fly home! oh gosh....why the countdown in hours? why even countdown? ugh. enjoy. the. moment. that's my prayer today. and tomorrow. and probably every day.............oh well, at least i get to work on something each day. :)
life is good.
today i woke up just so happy. and then....i realized that i actually have to leave this adventure. so sad. when i think about home and that i get to be home so soon, i dread being here and time moves slowly. and then i think about here and leaving here and how much i love it and the family...(finally) then i get so sad. where is the middle ground?...well i believe that is where i just enjoy the moment and am truly thankful for what God is blessing me with NOW! well...that's the hard part of the lesson. learning to truly enjoy the moment and to be thankful for it.
so as of right now...i am so thankful for what God has blessed me with and just look on the bright side of life.
today i learned how to say banana and chocolate correctly....and no and here. alright alright....getting on a good australian speaking roll....already have the twang in my accent says john's mum.
love the kids. love cooking. love packing the kids' lunches every night after doing the dishes. love it when the family is around. i'm going to make the family orange chicken dinner on sunday night. and ice cream cake! did i ever tell you all how much i love baking? it's so fun! and after eating all day...gosh....i work out in my room every night. i love that so much. and...i just need to work on the not eating all day part and then i will be ripppppppeeddddd!
life is good. just soaking up all the greatness of this last week here. only 7 days and 15 hours and 6 minutes until i fly home! oh gosh....why the countdown in hours? why even countdown? ugh. enjoy. the. moment. that's my prayer today. and tomorrow. and probably every day.............oh well, at least i get to work on something each day. :)
life is good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)